Body & Soul, New »

When I began to call the special part of ourselves that can be found somewhere between the mind, body, spirit and heart THE ENCHANTED SELF®, many, particularly women, expressed their appreciation over and over again. “Thank you for giving a name to this special part of me,” and “This is the part of me that I always devalued and ignored because I thought I wasn’t entitled to it. Now that you’ve identified it, I feel justified in developing this part of myself!”

THE ENCHANTED SELF is indeed a very special part of each of us. You may not have given it a name. You may have dismissed it as trivial—perhaps unimportant in the scheme of a hectic busy, demanding life—but deep inside you’ve yearned to find it and let it out. There comes a moment in every woman’s life when it is time bask in your personal delight, happiness and joy. When that time comes—and now that we know it as THE ENCHANTED SELF—we can proudly enjoy it and hold onto it.

But what are the tools to get to THE ENCHANTED SELF part of ourselves? What skills do we need in order to capture and hold onto this special part of ourselves? Although some of you have read about the Seven Gateways to ENCHANTMENT, many of my newer readers have not. They are so crucial as actual tools for upgrading your experience of happiness on a daily basis that I am sharing them again with you.

Let’s look at the First Gateway in this article:

First Gateway: Honoring what is Right about Ourselves Rather Than what is Wrong

I have found that we’re all experts in identifying what is wrong with ourselves. We can probably quickly make up a long list, detailing what is wrong in our lives. However, it’s a lot harder to get in touch with what is right.

We need to know ourselves in positive ways. We need to learn how to honor our talents, strengths, even our coping skills which serve us so well. And most important, we need to treasure and enjoy our potential.

These parts of us, if not honored, identified and talked about both to ourselves and to others, will lose their power. We have to ignite them and nurture their special qualities. We need to get to know ourselves in ways that emphasize the heroic, strong parts of ourselves.

This means using our memories in very different ways from what we’ve been accustomed to. It means searching through our history to find our talents, strengths and even lost potential, even if we have to sort through pounds of dysfunction. It means searching our past for what is right about our selves, not for what is wrong.

Case Vignette

Stacie had very negative feelings toward her mother and her aunt, who would both often put her down and criticize her. However, once she was well into her therapy, she began to enjoy sorting through her past, realizing that many of the talents and strengths she had acquired had been based either by example from these women, or by compensating for their deficits. By example, she had learned to sew, cook and have the best vegetable garden that anyone could imagine, even while working full time. By compensating, she learned to guard her tongue and never jump to criticize others. This latter capacity has served her well in her job, while the former gave her day-to-day pleasure in hobbies and in good food.

A Positive Activity for You

Pick a time period from earliest childhood to the present. Find a quiet spot, a quiet time, and begin to list the talents, strengths, coping skills and potential that you got and currently display from that time period. You may have to sort through disappointments and hurts, but you will still find a way to label what’s right about yourself.

Take your time. Keep this list with you, and add to it over the next few weeks or even months. Read it again and again to reinforce within you what is right within you, rather than what is wrong.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is a positive
psychologist and Happiness Coach.  She is the originator of The Enchanted Self (R) and is in private practice in New Jersey.  The author of many books, her most recent is The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  Learn more at www.thetruthforgirls.com

Body & Soul, Relationships, Technology »

Personal contact has suffered a great loss. It’s been replaced by electronics. Electronics of all forms. But namely, the Cell phone and the Internet. Cell phones are great for calling but thanks to things like text messaging even calling has dropped a notch or two on the communication ladder. Have you ever had people text you many times, but not pick up the phone to call once? Even family can sometimes use Text Messaging (cell) and Instant Messaging (internet) as a form of constant communication. Relaying a quick message is fine, but here we’re discussing Texting replacing verbal conversation.

I think I noticed just how serious this was when I realized a week had gone by without hearing my daughters voice but I’d convinced myself that I had talked to her every day, and I had. She texted in place of calling to avoid hearing the inevitable momisms from me. But I was so used to it that it was just like I’d actually talked to her. Apparently I had been wooed by another form of electronic communication.

Texting has taken such a strong hold that some tend to think they can even detect the mood or emotions of the receiver. LOL Message: How are you today? Response: I’m okay, how are you? Message: What’s wrong, why are you being so short? LOL. I asked some people about texting and their thoughts and some said they really prefer it and others said it was a nuisance.

Why do you prefer it?

It’s easier to control the conversation.

I’m not a phone person, this way I can relay a message and move on.

Less questions and annoying conversation.

Sometimes it’s nice to have a record of a conversation.

I text therefore I am. Short quick and no immediate response required. With instant messaging response is implied. Not always easy to do.

I’ve only just begun to text; a particular friend and I communicate that way quite often. I am no technophile, “so I only learned how to send text messages about a year ago. I don’t care for IM’ing because I don’t type fast enough. Also, I can’t get with the short hand that is needed for quick responses.

Why do you dislike it?

It’s a nuisance to have to stop what you’re doing and type messages when it would be so much easier to pick up the phone and call.

Takes away from the human contact experience.

I think it’s a lazy form of communicating.

It requires more thought than I want to have to give a conversation. I just want to say it and move on!

To me it’s like giving into the whole ‘Living by Tech’ thing we discussed a while back.

**********************************

Are you wired up to Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Ning, Tagged or any of the tons of other network/social sites out there to attract and distract? Are you wired up to more than two, three maybe? What a technical society we’ve become. There’s Cell Phones that do everything but walk and… well I guess they do talk. Today I talked to a friend and we laughed as we reminisced about the old days. The days when Telephones we connected by long cords and weighed as much as a small television. No driving around talking or walking around talking on the phone. Indoors or Phone booths. That was the choices.

In some instances I personally think technology has also created a great wealth of laziness. No need to doll up and go out there in search of the other half. Or really to do anything. Simply share your personal info with this wire or that wire and it’s on. We have officially become a computer driven society, you know, just like they said it would be in the days of Outer Limits and Twilight Zone.

At one point I fought the whole blogging and electronic networking thing with all my “child of the 60’s might”. In the late 80’s there was the BBSs and seeing someone typing on the screen at the same time was magical. Playing games (for me it was Jousting LOL) with someone across the miles through a dark screen of a box that was as big as microwaves are now was to die for.

Once I got turned on to it, there was no end. I graduated from one to the other, joined many online communities, as there are many, something for anything you can think of. I joined art sites because they were there. I joined jewelry networks because I could, food networks because I was hungry LOL. You name it, it’s out there. And there are many lessons to be had from joining all of these networking communities and not all good.

As I sit here typing on this 17in laptop I laugh at the fact that my first computer was half the size of an oven LOL. And the screen was black and the letters were Cyan?

I fear I to have become spoiled by technology. The cell phones, the digital this and wireless that. Polaroids replaced by palm sized boxes that contain everything but the printer and allow you instant view. The phones without the long knotted and twisted spiral phone cords LOL, remember those? LOL Unfortunately, along with the change in the phone came the change in service you get over the phone too. Please Push 1, Please Push 1, Please push… you know what I mean. And you want to curse the recording out but what good would that do. She’d listen only for a few seconds before repeating, ‘please press 1′ grrrrrrrrrrrr.

I know we all basically have to go along with the changes as that’s life, I guess I will just keep hoping that people don’t become cold and distant without the need for that ever wonderful human contact only an actual phone call or letter would provide. I always mention to friends and family that I’d rather talk by phone. A couple of messages is one thing, a form of consistent communication is another.

What do you think?

Life is Good

Steph Jordan

www.diviacity.com

www.diviacity.blogspot.com

Join my Mailing List to be notified when New Articles Post and More!

Body & Soul, New, Recent Articles »

What is it about the Holiday season that brings out the best in some, and the worse in others? Is it the “In Your Face” commercial marketing?  Is it the lifestyle change many have had to make due to the state of the economy? Maybe the year wasn’t so great in Love and Friendship? Is it possible to change the atmosphere if you suffer mild or even severe Holiday Blues? Yep! I have been guilty of letting the events of the year wind up at Holiday time and turning it Blue! I did it just last year. Corporate Burnout and other issues put a temporary singe on my normally positive outlook and a stall in my normal habits. No decorations, no tree. Not really significant unless of course, it’s something you normally do and only change that pattern because of life’s events.  Which whether you realize it or not, tends to make even those events seem more painful or stressful.  Check this quote out: “Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected” ~Jimmy Cannon. Sad and unfortunately, to some, true.  But I don’t think it’s Christmas as much as it’s one’s own state of mind. Why do we let this particular time of year become a sore sport, an emotional menace?

We’ve got so much to deal with these days. So many changes that affect all. Our own lives may have taken serious financial windfalls or had other emotionally draining events. Even if our own lives may appear to be going on as usual many of those around us may have fallen on harder times. Friends who have lost their jobs or had serious strain on their income. People dealing with their own issues or the issues of others. This can of course cause the Holidays to look bleak. Unfortunately, the Holiday commercialism is no friend in these times. And it could just be me but it seems like this year went from Halloween being a big marketing attack to almost skipping over Thanksgiving and going directly to Christmas. Many houses in my neighborhood were donning front porch Santas and twinkling lights the day after Halloween! A couple had Christmas decorations up even before Halloween. Maybe some are reaching for the Spirit of the Holiday and I can’t blame them! Right now more than ever we need that Spirit. And if the Holiday is the way, then let’s do it!  The state of ‘To Have or To Have Not, To Give or To Give Not’ should in no way affect the way we look at not only the Holiday but any time.

Survey - What do you think it is that brings out the best in some and the worse in others during the holidays?

~I think it brings out the best in some by having the spirit of giving….and the worst in those who are greedy takers!

~I think it is the stress and pressure that some people feel that brings out the ugly… and I think it’s the spirit of giving from our hearts that brings out the best in all of us. Over the last few days when I start to feel that pressure I go back to what struck me about one of your recent articles about the holidays -(Those Good Old Down Home Blues). What stuck with me was “do you” That’s been my min mantra. Not in a self centered way LOL but in the way that we all get to choose how we celebrate the holidays and I don’t want to get caught up in the expectations of others.

~When people try to deliver on others expectations (family or the media), they lose the spirit and it can bring out the worst in them. I think when people celebrate in a way that makes them happy it brings out their best, which is true for any part of life-not just the holidays.

~Unfortunately, what people have and don’t have seems to be more important than anything else during the Holidays.

~There are so many selfish and greedy people that come out of the wood works during the holidays, taking at will. But on the flip side, there are wonderful loving and giving people that are there to make life better for others.

~Seems like some people spin around looking for an outlet for their ugliness and the Holiday Season is it!

What can we do to make the Holiday Season less painful for others? Last year I donated several bags of clothing to a neighborhood charity that I assumed would give the clothing to needy people for the Holidays.  A couple of weeks later I ran into one of the employees who was wearing one of the jackets I donated (I’d painted on the pocket). I asked her about it (without telling her it was I who had donated it) and she told me that many times people bring in some really nice stuff and they go through it and take what they like before putting it on the floor for sale! I was stunned, and jaded. Not to worry, I’m over it, but this year I decided to do it differently and find people to donate to personally.

Here are just a few ideas of things we can do to brighten someone’s Spirit this Holiday season.

Find a needy family to cook a meal for or share a meal with.
Take someone to a festive Holiday event.

Keep in constant contact with someone in pain. Just a little bit of Positive Energy goes a long way.

Give someone a gift card to a neighborhood grocery store or restaurant.

You know that shirt hanging in your closet with the tag still on it?  Donate it.

Help someone with mobility issues put up/take down decorations

Are you artistic, create something special for someone. Something that will remind them how important they are.

Have a wonderful week! Live in Color.

Life is Good!
Steph Jordan

www.diviacity.com

www.diviacity.blogspot.com

Relationships »

Back in the ‘70’s, there was a custom called “Sanibel walking,” a type of meditative ceremony that originated on Sanibel Island. During this time, people gathered on the beach at sunset and meandered slowly along the shoreline. With heads down and hands often clasped behind their back, each person strolled silently and gazed at the abundant collection of glorious seashells for which Sanibel Island is known. It was this amalgamation of the sunset, seashells, sand at their feet, and sound of the waves that became the perfect setting to bring one into that meditative state of being.

While there have always been traditional methods used to transcend one into an “out of body” experience or deep consciousness, there are additional meditation practices as well that have evolved over time and taken on a more customized approach – for example, “Sanibel walking.” These modified rituals also work to generate an awakening and rejuvenation of the body and mind.

Recently, without going into detail, I temporarily experienced the inability to hear. In one way, it was reminiscent of my childhood when I would place a big conch shell up to my ear and “listen to the ocean,” mesmerized by the hollow-airy-echoing sound, but with this current situation that was all I heard, nothing more. Yet what I discovered was that the incapacity to hear nullified any external noise around me, similar to that of meditation. Alike too, this caused me to redirect my focus inward, inadvertently creating my own awareness and musing.

While I was not at all thrilled about this new sensation, it did however allow me to understand the body and mind’s miraculous ability to adjust. So, rather than fight what I could not change physically, I chose to alter my mental acuity. In my hushed world, I stood in the sunlight looking at the leaves on the trees as they swayed silently in the breeze, and strangely enough, my sight was then more finely tuned and the feeling of warmth from the sun, also more palpable.

The truth be told, I am not sure if the power of the mind caused my body to readjust or vice versa. But without a doubt, I gained a deeper understanding and even greater admiration for those that come into the world without all of their senses, or those who have had the misfortune during their lifetime of losing one or more senses. No matter what the situation, those individuals have the extraordinary ability to overcome, adjust, live their lives to the fullest, and soar, as they often do.

Evidently, we all own the power to awaken and rejuvenate our body and mind through whatever rite we choose albeit our own customized meditation or the more traditional sorts.

That said, don’t we all have somewhere to be at sunrise? Grab your sandals and let’s go! We got some “Sanibel walking” to do . . .

Namaste!  Sharon Anne Mattos

Photo from www.grandeisland.com/sanibel-island-specials.htm